I went to an event in Las Vegas a week ago. It was a trip I never thought I would make because I haven’t seen myself as someone who can go on events like that. It’s just successful people. Now when I have seen women being so brave sharing their stories what they have gone through I thought I share some of mine with the hope that I might get someone to understand that you are stronger than you think. Strangers or people you work with are not the only ones who can abuse you or make you feel uncomfortable. For me it happened a lot closer than that. You can be abused and raped in a relationship. Not sure if I can call it a relationship, it was more a on and off thing. You know, when it was convenient for him. I did not feel so good about myself, I thought that I could settle because he said he loved me and must mean it, right? Even though he was out with other women, he still came to me.. so that must be love? He always told me that I was the love of his life so of course there was something special between us. When I started dating someone else (when he had the off period) I had about 20 missed phone calls, 50 text messages and about 5 emails. He left voice mails, crying telling me that he can’t live without me. And this was just in one night! I couldn’t stay with the guy I was dating, the pressure was to much. This was my story every time I started seeing someone else and he was living with another woman. He had so much control over me. One day he wanted to see me, again. And I said yes. That day he raped me and left a lot of bruises on my arms. I left him with a broken rib. That’s when I really started to feel I had enough. (Thank you Thai Boxing classes) Do you think he was sorry? No, he complained about me because I broke his rib and it was hurting so much. He didn’t see it as rape and said that me saying no was just a game I played. I didn’t hear from him for awhile after that. Next time I saw him, (I thought I had to because he did was upset and needed me) It ended up with his hands around my neck and he told me that I’m so frustrating. Thankfully, I got him to leave. Think he remembered that I did break his rib once and I can do it again. (or well that’s the thought that made me feel good).
What he did to me was making me feel worthless and someone you just have sex with. I wasn’t better than that. That night I decided that you know what? I deserve better. If I’m not doing this for me, than I have to do this to my child. I worked so hard to get me to feel better about myself. I had to get better. I was awesome at hiding this though, have to tell you that. So what did I do to make me feel stronger and empowered? I started with Law of Attraction, the Secret. That’s when things started to change. I listened a lot to motivation speakers like Bob Proctor and Les Brown. I started being around people who wanted to get somewhere and wasn’t in their own misery or trying to drag me down with them. Before that’s the people I hang out with. People standing in the same spot year after year complaining about how bad their life is. So back then I was feeling as a victim, I was feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t see that changing my thoughts changed how I feel.
You know you are who you hang out with? The closest 5. So that’s what I changed. My closest 5 are driven people who do things instead of complaining about the situation. They take responsibility for their life and there is no DRAMA. I used to love drama. Now I hate it. Last week I did the trip to Las Vegas by myself and listened to amazing speakers. I feel so empowered and my hopes are that if you read this and you are in a relationship you know in your heart is bad, I want you to feel HOPE. You can get out of it and you can feel amazing. Just make sure you surround yourself with people you want to be like. Because I didn’t, that’s a big reason why I let him do this to me, to us for years. It’s not easy “breaking up” with people you have been friends with, but in the long run, it’s worth it. And if you’re a single mom like me, I hope I can make you feel that you can do this. If you wan’t to get somewhere, you can because I did.